A family tree is not guessed at: it is researched and understood.
The question that really matters is not “what comes from the transgenerational?”, but:
“what concrete story can be identified?”
“what are today's behaviours responding to?”
In the process I offer, we start by looking for patterns, illnesses, places, cycles, accidents, intergenerational debts, violence, humiliation, injustice, occupations, dates and tensions in relationships. These are all clues, not yet answers.
Two examples of genograms worked on in sessions, with the names blurred to protect confidentiality.
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Because coincidence is not the same as coherence.
Coincidence only opens a door. Then comes the real work: coherence.
My approach is guided by one question: is there real coherence between your ancestors' story and what you are living today?
When the same conflicts, the same losses, the same fears, the same way of relating appear: that is where the story begins to make sense.
The goal is not to find someone to blame.
It is about understanding which (no longer necessary) adaptation is still active today, so that it no longer needs to be expressed.
As long as that memory remains unconscious, we stay bound to it, repeating the suffering. When we manage to understand it, we can honour it by living what our ancestors could not live.
Healing is not forgetting those who came before. It is honouring their stories through life.
In other words, the work you do on yourself helps your ancestors and lightens the path of your descendants.